What is going on here?

Our family has lived in Indiana going on four years this summer. We have been blessed, I will admit. No major health problems, enough money to pay the bills, plenty of food to eat and clothes to wear, but still we aren’t happy.

There are four of us, my husband, our two boys and myself. All born and raised in Texas, each of us with that strong Texas pride coursing through our veins. My husband and I question every day - is our misery only due to our loneliness from being away from our family and friends? Or is it truly another matter altogether? I mean lets face it, lots of couples move away from their families and do just fine, so why such heartbreak for the four of us just because we don’t live in a particular state?

Each day, we ponder this never answered question. We get up each day to drag ourselves through the inches of snow building up around the house, fight the traffic in a small mid-western town, to a job that isn’t as satisfying as we would like, only to repeat the process again the next day. I suppose we have just subdued ourselves to the belief that a greater being than us needs us here in this small town, 1,300 miles away from our roots.

I consider myself a fairly happy person. I love my husband dearly, I adore my kids. I am relatively content in my job. I have a fantastic boss, great supportive co-workers and a pretty decent health insurance plan. I could use more money of course, but who in this day of an economic recession doesn’t! I also have incredible friends that I love like siblings and I am mad about my family.

I am not looking for miracles in this blog, nor am I looking for answers. I simply want a way to reach out to the world and share my moments, both sorrowful and glorious with you, my dear reader. I have dreams, motivations…professional and personal goals that I want to share. Let‘s start with my dreams. What are they you ask? Well my friend let me tell you. As clique as it sounds, I want to write a book. I want to write a story that will make you breathless, with scenarios so real, you can feel every word deep in your soul. A book so real that you will cry right along with the character convinced it’s really YOU I am writing about.

Have I started this wonderful award winning, best selling novel yet? No. Not quite. I am still on Chapter 1. I have the words in my mind, but once they get to paper, are jumbled and unromantic. My sentences read like that of a two year old and I get depressed, stepping back from the pages for a few weeks only to come back and once again feel the frustration of not getting my words down exactly right.

How do I overcome this? Any ideas? Anyone? I know that I need to stop being so critical of my work. Write it down once and leave it alone, to stop pondering over each and every word reaching for perfection in each syllable and adjective. I need to just let it be. But I am very much a perfectionist with my work, I can’t help it. A habit I know I will need to break if my dream will ever become reality. I feel that it is the one true reason that I am not a household name yet.

I guess I should close up today’s entry. Maybe between now and my next entry, I will have a solution for something mentioned here today. I will make myself a goal though for today. Start writing a story for one of my favorite magazines-Zoetrope. It doesn’t have to be long and it’s a beginning, right?

Enjoy your day and Peace Out!